Quran For All

Official Blog of www.farhathashmi.com

Congratulations! You Just Had A… WHAT!!??

Posted by Admin on June 7, 2008

By Asma Binte Shameem

He paced nervously up and down the hospital corridor. His heart was beating fast and he couldn’t wait much longer. After all, he was going to be a father soon….a father of a little baby boy…….or at least he hoped it would be a boy…. O how much he wanted the baby to be a boy!

But, what if his wife had a….a girl???!!! Then what??!! That would be utter disgrace!
What will all his friends say! How could he ever face them?

And what would his mother say? She had instructed his wife to make sure she had a son, or else…..
Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the doctor opening the door. “Congratulations,” she said. “Your wife just delivered a baby girl!”

He stopped dead in his tracks. His heart sank….his face became dark.
What did she say?? A…..A WHAT!!!??? NOOOO! It can’t be! There must be some mistake! But I was hoping for a son! I am ruined and disgraced! What will I tell my friends and family!
And what about my mother? She will be devastated!

Slowly, he walks away from the doctor, not even turning to look at the baby….. This scenario, my dear brothers and sisters is not from a movie, nor is it something from the past.
Would you believe that this is actually happening in the 21st century in the Muslim communities all over the world, even in the United States!

Subhaan Allaah!

Some of the Muslims, may Allaah guide them, get angry when Allaah blesses them with daughters. In fact, some of them even threaten to divorce their wives if she produces a daughter! What an outrage!When are we to learn? When will we get out of this ignorant behavior?
Are we still living in the period of pre-Islaamic Jaahiliyyah (Pre Islamic Period of Ignorance)? How similar things are today to those times! If you visit any maternity hospital in a Muslim country, and look around at the faces of those to whom daughters have been born, listening to what they say and seeing how they react, you will see a strange similarity between many of these people and the people of the Jaahiliyyah.Allaah says about such people:

“And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief! He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision!” [al-Nahl:58-59]

The husband puts undue pressure on his wife to have a boy or else he will divorce her or she will be subjected to his cruelty and harsh behavior.Did he forget that science has proven that it is the male that is responsible for determining the sex of the baby and the woman has absolutely no say in the matter? And not only the husband, the pressure also, surprisingly comes from the mother-in-law. Did she forget that she herself is a female? Or was she born a male and then magically changed later to a female?? How absurd is their rationale! Are these people objecting to the Decree of Allaah?? Did they forget that submitting to the decree of Allaah is obligatory, and accepting it is one of the attributes of the believers? Did they forget that it is Allaah who bestows children, be it female or male, to whomever He wants and does not bestow any off springs to whomever He wants?

“To Allah belongs the Kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He will. He gives females to whom He will and males to whom He will.Or, He couples them, both males and females, and to others, if He will, He makes them barren. Surely, He is the Knower, the Powerful.” (al-Shooraa:49-50)

One of the manifestations of this dislike of daughters is that in some hospitals, when they find out the sex of the baby by ultrasound, if it is male they tell the family, and if it is female they say nothing. Subhaan Allaah!

This is a very serious matter and is a rejection of the gift which Allaah has given, instead of thanking Him for it. This in itself is enough to earn Allaah’s anger and expose one to His punishment, may Allaah protect us from it. Everyone knows the honor and respect Islaam has given to women and the rights given to her by the Sharee’ah. There is nothing in any other religion, nation or law that can compare to the position given to the woman in Islam. Moreover, the virtues of girls is not unknown, for they are the mothers and daughters, sisters, and wives. They are one half of society which gives birth to the other half, so it is as if they are the entire society.

The Prophet (pbuh) also explained the virtues of girls and urged kind treatment of them, as he said:

“Whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood, he and I will come like this on the Day of Resurrection,’ and he held his fingers together.” (Muslim)..

“Whoever has three daughters and is patient towards them, and feeds them, gives them to drink and clothes them from his riches, they will be a shield for him from the Fire on the Day of Resurrection.” (Ibn Maajah–saheeh by al-Albaani) We need to forego this Jahiliyyah way of thinking and start behaving as Muslims, not only in this matter, but in all walks of life. We should thank Allaah for blessing us with sweet daughters, for it is a blessing indeed. We should fear Allaah and love our children and treat them fairly, be it a daughter or son. Both are blessings of Allaah and, surely, we will be questioned about them.
Stop the discrimination of girls and preference to boys.

Undoubtedly this action is one of the deeds of the first Jaahiliyyah, from the conduct of its ill-mannered people, those who were blamed and condemned in the Qur’aan and Sunnah.

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3 Responses to “Congratulations! You Just Had A… WHAT!!??”

  1. Ameera said

    Assalam-o-alaikum.
    This is indeed something to be worried about. However, let me share something that I’ve experienced. I am a medical student at Dow Medical College, Karachi. We’re sent on rotations to various areas of Civil Hospital, the largest government hospital in Karachi. When I was posted in the Obs/Gynae ward recently, I expected to see a lot of women unhappy to be having daughters. However, it was quite contrary to what I had in mind – in fact, I could see a very slight and subtle change in many cases where women had been having daguthers or when they had sons and daughters alternatively. The emphasis was not on “Sons only!” rather is seemed to be more like “Yes, sons but daughters too!!!” which is a welcome change anyway!

    Moreover, women were eager to bring their daughters up well and even educate them, to whatever degree they could. One lady even told me how her husband was totally okay with, and even wishing for a daughter, after having a son. Keeping in mind that these ladies are generally from very poor backgrounds and localities which have seen little in the way of material or social progress, it was a pleasant surprise! Alhamdolillah. If we keep spreading the message InshAllah, perhaps one day we will be able to free our societies of all kinds of Jahiliyya customs, InshAllah.

    JazakAllah for raising this issue!
    Assalam-o-alaikum.
    Ameera

  2. aliya said

    asslam-o-alikum,

    Jazak Allah kahir for such a nice article. This issue is still really hard to deal with, even if parents are ok with a girl the other relatives puts them down and feel so pitty for them that they start thinking bad. But, Alhamdulillah articles like this are very helpful and i think Dr. Farhat Hashmi sahiba should deliver a lecture on it in urdu that we can use to spread the message. Most of the times the pressure is from in laws. May Allah guide us all to true islam ameen.

    Aliya

  3. fary said

    yes very true i am one of teh unlucky ones when i was born 2nd baby girl in the family i was the unwanted one and so i was sent away on my 10th day to my grandma who took care of me for 2.6 yrs and then God knows better why i was called back may be to give company to the elder daughter.
    this brought so many awful problems in me wich i think i am coping till now
    some times parenst dont realise what worst they can do to kids and that is their own kids

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